A Little Break

We've often wondered - husband and I - whether moving to Canada in the middle of our prime earning lives was a viable idea. Was it worth it? Did it hold us back in making progress at work? Hinder our personal goals? I've held firm on a "no".

I think it can take a while to see where you are headed. To know what you want. To understand who you are. Someone like me (and perhaps you too?), who didn’t question these things early on…at an age I ideally should have… needs this time. To be extremely uncomfortable about not really knowing. To not have a clue. To feel lost and like nothing makes sense. To sit with that doubt and pain of not knowing who you are.

A pause to recognize that this sort of an experience comes with privilege. I thankfully had this privilege but not everyone does. Having said that - I can only write about my experience. With that - I continue:

A picture from Sneha's studio of a painting behind which its written FOREVER IS

This discomfort. This was a gift from Canada to me. A safe place to have a midlife crisis. And, a reason I’ll be forever grateful to Canada. Canada afforded me the safe space to experience this necessary discomfort. If it wasn’t for Canada, my actions would’ve been driven by a flowchart. Not intentions. Like they should be. I’d have kept taking the next “right” step…for someone else. Now I can take that step intentionally and I find comfort in knowing that it’s intentional. In some way, Canada taught me to stand up for myself…in a way that neither India nor US could. It taught me to lead myself through the valley. So I have enough energy to aim for the next mountain.

In US, I’d have collapsed under the weight of “should”.

Canada didn’t hold me back.
No, I’m not behind.
Canada gave me a few comfortable moments in its shade
So I could catch my breath from all the running
So I could experience being human…
So I could feel and heal
See what was broken
So I could feel freedom
So I could gather momentum
And with all this
I will propel myself so far ahead
That no immigration issue will ever have the power to hold me back.

This is what Canada gave me.
A little break.
So I could breathe
And run
Another million miles

- Sneha 

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