Meaningful Connection

I’ve been thinking of connections from two different perspectives: extrovert and introvert

As someone who is happy to live in my own head, it can be hard to make new friends. My head always feels like a better place to hangout rather than going through the hassle of planning and then actually executing the “meet other people” part of life. And then, keeping up with it all? You can forget about that. It’s a miracle I’ve found the love of my life and my best friend. My natural tendency is to not seek people. So if it were not for him seeking me out or her extroverted personality, there was a high chance I’d be married by arrangement or would possibly have died alone. 

QUICK NOTE

I have nothing against people who found their significant others via arranged marriage. This is a common practice in India (And probably other countries too!). All I meant to explain here is that actively seeking a partner via dating would have been quite unlikely for me - hence the arranged marriage.

Even though the solitude doesn’t bother me most of the times, I worry about long term loneliness. Not now, while I have work related forced social events like actually physically going in and meeting people at work because my job requires me to. But later, when I inevitably retire and there isn’t a natural routine to my day where people shuffle in and out of it.

I don’t need much social interaction to fill my "connection bucket". But, this week something happened that made me rethink. I ended up “meaningfully” socializing with a few people who don’t necessarily mean too much to me. And, I don’t say that with a mean spirit. 🙂 Just that, the connection, experience, and conversation was deeply meaningful but the person themselves isn't from my inner circle of people and they probably never will be. It was that fleeting kind of meaningful connection.

THIS MADE ME WONDER 

1. Does connection have to happen with your core circle of people for it to really be meaningful?
2. Does the value of meaningful experiences reduce over time as you continue to have them with people outside your core circle?

HERE'S WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS

I’m wondering if having multiple meaningful experiences with people outside your core group and this, eventually, with time, not converting that peripheral circle of people into a core circle…this experience…does it eventually “dull” the meaningful experiences themselves? 

If it does dull them, then sooner or later we’d all seek different peripheral circles to get this meaning out of. We would let go of circles that possibly stop being meaningful after a certain peak is reached and seek others.

Or maybe, this transition from peripheral to core doesn’t have to happen for the experience and connection itself to continue being meaningful. And, wouldn’t that be a ‘good enough’ goal to have? A good enough reason to pursue connection with others. Especially, for those like me who so enjoy their own company but also want meaningful connections and experiences in their life. And, what if these experiences one day lead to another “core” person? Well, that would have to be an unexpected advantage, wouldn’t it?

ON THE FLIP SIDE

I have a friend who ardently seeks people. They would love being part of a close knit community full of connected experiences. This is someone who genuinely craves meaningful connections. Not having this need met feels like a life obstruction to them. Something that keeps them from being their full self. A classic extrovert. How would someone like this have more meaningful connections? I cannot speak from the perspective of an extrovert.

What I can say is, the extroverts in my life have been catalysts to many of my best memories. You know the kind you think about over and over again, that sustain you long after the experience itself? Those kind.

IN CONCLUSION

The experiences I’ve described above as meaningful to me but that I didn’t set out to orchestrate were put together by someone. Does that someone have a commonality with my friend who craves connection? Yes, they do. Perhaps these people are the organizers, community leaders, initiative takers, and interest drummer uppers rallying us all up. This is not easy work. They shoulder the burden of craving for connection and through their sheer willingness to put themselves out there, they end up creating an ecosystem around them that becomes fertile ground for meaningful experiences and connections for themselves and for all of us quiet folk. What a wonderful gift these individuals are to all of us. 

It's no surprise I have found myself driven towards other extroverts throughout my life. All my closest friends have been individuals with extroverted personalities. And, this no longer surprises me.

A simple analogy to finish up this thought would be the perfect ending to this post. But, alas, I cannot think of something quippy that captures this delicate balance. I'll end by saying that all of us crave meaningful connection with other humans - whether introvert or not. Isn't this how humans evolved to become as intelligent as we are? 

So, my task for you is this: Go hug your favourite extrovert right now. They knowingly or unknowingly weave the best memories into your life story and without them life just wouldn't be as fun.

-

Sneha